It's odd how you react. I haven't been to Starbucks in two days. In fact, I haven't spent a penny since Monday afternoon. I'm turning the lights off because I can't be sure how long I'll be able to pay the electric bill and I'm thinking two meals a day is doable several days a week. I know, as a rational matter, that these are obsessive reactions, but I think it must be a feeling that at least I'm doing something.
The organization is pissing me off now. It's sure seems like this decision was impulsive. HR has nothing and no one can tell me anything about details like possible severance arrangements, timing of transfers, nothing. If you're going to mess with someone's life like this, you damned well ought to have the details worked out in advance.
Late yesterday I sent an e-mail to our department reiterating what I'd told them at the meeting. As in all organizations, this departmental e-mail has now been circulated far and wide. A few people are calling and e-mailing. It's very nice and affirming. What's awkward are the ones who don't know what to say when they see me. I've taken to just naming the situation and then they're okay talking to me. This must be something like what happens when you've gotten a diagnosis of cancer or something.
This afternoon I'll start calling and e-mailing people on the outside. Sometime pretty quick here I've got to start looking for a job, and there's no sense what-so-ever in keeping this thing a secret.
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