Hadrian's Wall

Every so often I think about getting it all together and finally making a trip to England for a couple of weeks to walk the "Hadrian’s Wall trail." But, in the end, there’s always some obstacle: job transitions, kids getting married, statin myopathy, you name it.

My fascination with this part of the world and its history goes back to high school when I first heard Roger Waters’ "Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict" on the Pink Floyd album Ummagumma. Who knew what a “Pict” was?

Then, just a few years ago, there was Mel Gibson playing William Wallace in Braveheart noting that it was particularly good traveling weather because “The rain is falling straight down. Well, slightly to the side like.” Of course Wallace wound up painting his face blue and meeting a violent end.

Who wouldn’t want to visit such a place? And so, once again, I sat down to peruse Web sites and dream about the trip.

But enter “Hadrian’s Wall” and what do the Internets serve up this morning? The first listing is ”Hadrian Manufacturing" the foremost supplier of toilet wall partitions and lockers. (The current highlighted feature is their new high-tech powder coating that defies graffiti.)

And then, there it is, right on their “Our Story" page, a detailed homage to Emperor Hadrian explaining his attempt to wall off the barbarians and tracing the history right down through the centuries, a direct link to today’s public toilet stall.

What a relief! I need not travel all the way to England to experience Hadrian’s Wall, the trail is as close as the nearest Target store restroom. I may be able to make this trip before I die after all.

Sleep at last

Slept really well last night. Is it possible that something like this only costs you a couple of nights sleep? Then had breakfast this morning with a former colleague. We worked together ten years ago. She's still at the old place and has done very well for herself. And she's very affirming. With my reputation and name recognition she can't imagine I'll have any difficulty. I hope she's right, and I wish I was quite so optimistic.

She's also the first one I've told outside of the organization and my immediate family. But now there's no time to waste, so I start sending e-mails and leaving voice mails for people around the country. Almost nobody is available live when you call them anymore, and it's a blessing. Those few I do manage to talk to are disbelieving and generally critical of my employer for making such a huge mistake. It feels very good.

Peering round the corner

It's odd how you react. I haven't been to Starbucks in two days. In fact, I haven't spent a penny since Monday afternoon. I'm turning the lights off because I can't be sure how long I'll be able to pay the electric bill and I'm thinking two meals a day is doable several days a week. I know, as a rational matter, that these are obsessive reactions, but I think it must be a feeling that at least I'm doing something.

The organization is pissing me off now. It's sure seems like this decision was impulsive. HR has nothing and no one can tell me anything about details like possible severance arrangements, timing of transfers, nothing. If you're going to mess with someone's life like this, you damned well ought to have the details worked out in advance.

Late yesterday I sent an e-mail to our department reiterating what I'd told them at the meeting. As in all organizations, this departmental e-mail has now been circulated far and wide. A few people are calling and e-mailing. It's very nice and affirming. What's awkward are the ones who don't know what to say when they see me. I've taken to just naming the situation and then they're okay talking to me. This must be something like what happens when you've gotten a diagnosis of cancer or something.

This afternoon I'll start calling and e-mailing people on the outside. Sometime pretty quick here I've got to start looking for a job, and there's no sense what-so-ever in keeping this thing a secret.

Done.

Well that wasn't as hard as I'd feared ... that is if you don't mind out-of-body experiences.

My managers and I met this morning and quickly concluded that there was no reason to delay the announcement. Word spreads fast in this organization and rumours would be all over the place by the afternoon. Although I think we all were hoping that if we waited there would be some better reason or explanation, it was better to go with what we know: I'm leaving in a few weeks, most of them are staying for now.

So, we convened the group, three locations, two on conference call, and I just said it: "I met with the new CEO yesterday afternoon and he informed me that my position is being eliminated. March 6th will be my last day with you. The new CEO told me that he has great confidence in the work of our department and will look forward to meeting you as a group sometime next month."

Everyone was great. Most were sad, but they all were quietly relived. I surprised myself at how unemotional I felt.

Telling them the truth

I am ... or was ... or will be for a few weeks still ... responsible for a division with about two dozen employees at our organization. As recently as last summer there were more than thirty but in two rounds of last fall and winter I had to lay-off about ten people.

As hard as that was, each time it was a struggle to keep morale and spirits up for those who were continuing in their jobs. There was no hiding the fear in their faces as they filed in for a hastily called meeting. And then the strange conflicting relief and sadness as they realized it wasn't them but it was their friend in the next cubicle.

"There's nothing to be gained by worrying about what might happen. It's beyond any of our control. The best advice I can give you is to do what I'm trying to do: spend your time doing things to make yourself more valuable to the organization," I'd tell them. "And even that might not be enough."

I didn't realize how true that last part was.

This morning I'll meet with my managers group and we'll figure out what we want to say. Then we'll convene another of those hastily called meetings. And they'll leave with conflciting feelings again.

One of 50,000 laid off this week

Today it happened. To me. I should have known something was up when the Monday afternoon executive team meeting was cancelled with no reason offfered. I only began to get mildly anxious when three of the six Senior VPs, including me, had meetings scheduled one-hour apart in the afternoon with the new CEO. But honestly, I didn't really believe it when the first SVP came into my office with the news, "He's going to sack all three of us, March 6th is my last day."

But he did. Just like that. "I've decided to go forward without you. March sixth will be your last day. Please see HR for the details and let me know when you have." He said other stuff too, but the funny thing is, just like they tell you in manager training, I didn't hear a thing after the first sentence.

So, I've got a lot to do in the next couple of days. But I think I'll try to use this space to keep some sort of running commentary as this new adventure unfolds.

First is my wife of 30+ years. "He's decided to eliminate my position." It seems so matter of fact. I'm so fortunate. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this alone.

Next a series of phone calls to my "direct reports." They're disbelieving. We make a plan to meet first thing tomorrow morning and decide how to tell the rest of the staff.

The tease for the late news is something about the number of unemployed. Yesterday those headlines were more hypothetical.